Change- Essence of Life

“Ruhi Di! Arjun asked me out!” I screamed as soon as she entered the room. Her face started showing some excitement which soon faded.

“What did you say ?“ she asked.

“No! Obviously!”

“Apparently you had a crush on him.”

“Yeah! But... Relationship... Me getting into a relationship?”

“Why do you run away from this?” She stopped and then added “Always”

I didn't answer because I didn't know it myself. But she was right.

“You’re like a box of colorful beads. You've different colors for different emotions. You just need a right person. A string. A string which will tie all your emotions properly & beautifully to bring out the best in you.”

“I don’t need anyone! I have you!”

“I won’t always be there.”

I couldn't utter a word. I hugged her.

          Months passed. I took a stroll in the gloaming. I didn’t know where I was going, I just kept walking. I loved that silence & the darkness seemed calling me more & more. I could clearly listen to my heart. I knew I was far off, but the darkness wanted me to continue. Somewhere beneath, expecting that string to find me, I didn’t expect him to appear suddenly and astonish me, but let live me each moment of his arrival. But this thought brought me back to the real world. I felt the urge to run away and I did. I turned around and made my way towards home.

          When I reached home, I found my parents waiting for me. They looked worried. I could see that in their eyes. But they didn’t ask me anything. They knew I was depressed for I had lost my elder sister to cancer. It was the last day of December. Like every year there was a party in our society. My mother asked me to get ready for the party. I agreed because I didn’t want to hurt her; I agreed because I wanted to try not to run away; I agreed because I missed my sister.

          I sat on the garden bench, among people still aloof from them. My parents & other grown-ups were partying in the club house. Younger generation had occupied the garden. It was the same night but now it was filled with light. I was too busy in admiring the decorations that I didn't even notice him coming & sitting beside me.

“Hi!” he said alarming me. “I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you.” He added.

“It’s not you. It’s just me.” I replied philosophically.

“I'm sorry for your loss.” He said in a low voice. I just nodded. There was a silence between us. But it wasn't uncomfortable. We just sat there until I said,

“Would you like to join me for a walk?”

          It had been three months since Di left me. I & Hariaksh lived on the same floor. But I never met him after my sister’s funeral or never did I see him. Perhaps ‘I’ never saw him. In these 3 months I had never talked about Di to anyone. But today I recalled every memory of hers & narrated it to him. It was as if I was re-living those moments. He already knew most of those stories; he had seen us all these years and was a part of many of our mischiefs. By the end, I was laughing for the moments we lived together & cried for I realized this was it. He let me cry. He let me empty my heart. He had stopped me from running. I looked up to him & remembered all the memories with him which I never cared to recall. He was always there for me, right by my side, but I never notice him. I looked up to him & noticed his care-filled eyes for the first time. The same care-filled eyes which saw me when I fell off my bicycle while racing with him; the same care-filled eye which looked at me after he punched the guy who had teased me at school; the same care-filled eyes which consoled me during my sister’s funeral. How did I fail to notice them before?

         Suddenly, I felt guilty for what I did to him a year back. How I had insulted him. How I had walked away.

“Sorry.” I said

“For what?” he asked puzzled.

“For not treating you right.”

He understood what I meant. He just smiled.

“That’s the past! I was such a fool.” He laughed.

“You know before I...” he stopped.

“Don’t hesitate.” I smiled encouragingly.

“Before I came up to you, I told Ruhi Didi that I’m going to confess... You know...”

“I should’ve guessed.” I laughed.

Hesitantly he replied, “After what happened, Ruhi Didi told me to be myself for a little while. I didn’t understand what she meant by it though.”

“Do you still feel the same about me?” I asked him.

“Sorry? I mean... Yes... But you've nothing to worry.”

“I would have to worry if you had given up on me.” I said between my smiles. I got down on my knee, the same way he had gotten down on his knee a year back & said, “I’m a box of beads. Can you be my string & bring out best in me?” He made me stand up & took my hand in his and said,

“Forever.”

            Not all endings are endings; they might be beginnings of new endings.

           From that day onwards I stopped running, stopped feeling sorry for myself & welcomed the new me. Change is Essence of Life; be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become. Embrace the change, it will surely bring out the best in you.

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