A gifted moment

          Even the laid-back ones can motivate themselves by understanding the heartache, passion, commitment and perseverance. Somebody’s faith in us can go long way in motivating ourselves. Never ending obstacles seem to disappear once you come to know that somebody believes in you. Hope keeps us going.

          The phase; most of the teenagers experience it. Almost everyone if I must say. As I grew older, the teenager in me became increasingly rebellious. To be honest, I had pushed patience of everyone around me. Nobody could believe that I had grown up to be such a ‘spoiled brat’. I had been very tame as a child. Obeying everyone, excellent at studies, soft-spoken, is how the people who hadn't seen me for 2 or more years remembered me.

          But the phase, had introduced them to alien me. She was alien to me a well. But I enjoyed the attention she used to get. I liked how other girls envied her. I loved being a part of most famous clique with her. The need of independence, a separate identity and testing authority made me cherish the alien me.

          But this package of enjoyment came with bitter gifts. Whenever I attended family gatherings, I could hear people whispering behind my back. They would stare at me.  They wouldn't let their children talk to me, thinking I would be a bad influence on them. I wouldn't have been surprised that if their children misbehaved, they would have compared them to me. In short, I was a bad example for them. This didn't stop me from being the way I had become; in fact it made me more rebellious. I stopped attending family gatherings. I started drinking secretly. I had the most understanding parents, but I had become too ignorant to even listen to what they had to say.

          I would shut myself in my room once I got home and would get out of the room only when the dinner was announced. My grades dropped drastically. I bunked schools, never submitted any of the assignments on time, made students do proxy attendance for me. I was in bad books of my teachers.

          It culminated one day, when I was found breaking school’s rules along with my friends. The Discipline Committee had called for our parents. My mom had to take off from her work. I had been rusticated from school for a week.

          We didn’t speak until the next afternoon. I had locked myself in my room. I didn’t even get out of the room for dinner, the previous night. My mom ordered me to open the door during lunch time. I was ashamed and had no courage to face her. But, I was extremely hungry. I opened the room. I expected to hear the words, ‘You are grounded.’ But none of us spoke anything. She broke the tension by giving me a small gift-wrapped box. I nonchalantly opened it and found a little rock inside. I rolled my eyes and said, “Cute.”

“Read the card,” my Mom instructed.

          I took the card out of the envelope and read it. It read- ‘This rock is more than 200,000,000 years old. That is how long it will take before I give up on you’. Tears started trickling down my cheeks. She hugged me. There were no conditions in her love. It was unconditional. I knew she will love me forever and nothing can change that. This moment brought back the real me. This moment motivated me to be a better person. This moment gave me a hope for future. I decided to leave the alien me behind, and embraced my new future and the old me.

          

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A Motivational Journey

          I just wanted to share my story with you all because I have learned that motivation, inspiration certainly takes you a long way. Motivation, inspiration can come from anyone or anything in your life. For me, it came at the right moment; when I least expected it. It certainly took me where I never imagined I could reach.

           After working with an Event Manager for 3 years, I started up my own business. The first project was in Delhi. I was truly terrified. I got into the train and searched for my seat. An elderly lady was sitting in front of me with reading glasses on. I immediately recognized her.

“Hello Meera Ma’am! Remember me?”

She looked up from her book, removed her reading glasses and smilingly said,

“Ankita Jain, right? I'm so glad to have met you!”

“Same here Ma’am.” I replied.

          Meera Ma’am taught me Economics at college. She was also the chairperson of my College’s Cultural Committee. When I was selected as a volunteer, she asked me to stand for the election for the post of Cultural Secretary. I was unsure about it, but decided to give it a try.  I won the elections & I learned a lot from her and my post. She would never get angry with any of us, if we made mistakes. She would always say, “Mistakes are the proof that you are trying.”

          After this, I knew what I wanted to become. I decided to become an Event Manager.

Her question brought me to real world.

“So, where are you headed to?”

“Delhi.” I replied. “What about you, Ma’am?”

“Me too. So visiting a friend or a relative?” she asked.

I explained her about my first project without hiding the fact that I was very much afraid.

I would never forget her words.

“If it is important to you, you will surely find a way. My husband & my brother died in a car accident. My brother was unmarried, so there was no one to look after my parents. I was 29 at that time. I had to support my son, in-laws and parents. All I had was my job. I was also doing my Ph.D. at that time. Life was getting difficult with every new day. I had to pay bills, repay loans, and manage being a mother, daughter-in-law, daughter and a professor. My in-laws never objected me supporting my parents. They were very supportive. At times, I had to miss my child’s annual day or a prize distribution, but he would understand. I would feel extremely helpless at times, but never gave up. The problems never stopped but I had learnt to face them. There will be obstacles. There will be doubters. There will be mistakes, but with hard work, there are no limits.”

          By the time she had finished her story, I had tears in my eyes. I had never imagined that this lady who always wore a beautiful smile on her face, this lady who always was so positive and full of life, would have experienced so many hardships.  And we feel sorry for ourselves for little things. You have to fight through bad days in order to earn the best days. Sometimes you win; sometimes you learn. There are very few people who celebrate what they have learnt as they would celebrate victory. And she was one of them.

          She had many stories to share. She told me she was visiting her son in Delhi, who is a doctor now. The day-long journey ended in no time. And I felt that I didn't just boarded this train to reach my destination; I had found the way to destination which I had always aimed to reach.

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Change- Essence of Life

“Ruhi Di! Arjun asked me out!” I screamed as soon as she entered the room. Her face started showing some excitement which soon faded.

“What did you say ?“ she asked.

“No! Obviously!”

“Apparently you had a crush on him.”

“Yeah! But... Relationship... Me getting into a relationship?”

“Why do you run away from this?” She stopped and then added “Always”

I didn't answer because I didn't know it myself. But she was right.

“You’re like a box of colorful beads. You've different colors for different emotions. You just need a right person. A string. A string which will tie all your emotions properly & beautifully to bring out the best in you.”

“I don’t need anyone! I have you!”

“I won’t always be there.”

I couldn't utter a word. I hugged her.

          Months passed. I took a stroll in the gloaming. I didn’t know where I was going, I just kept walking. I loved that silence & the darkness seemed calling me more & more. I could clearly listen to my heart. I knew I was far off, but the darkness wanted me to continue. Somewhere beneath, expecting that string to find me, I didn’t expect him to appear suddenly and astonish me, but let live me each moment of his arrival. But this thought brought me back to the real world. I felt the urge to run away and I did. I turned around and made my way towards home.

          When I reached home, I found my parents waiting for me. They looked worried. I could see that in their eyes. But they didn’t ask me anything. They knew I was depressed for I had lost my elder sister to cancer. It was the last day of December. Like every year there was a party in our society. My mother asked me to get ready for the party. I agreed because I didn’t want to hurt her; I agreed because I wanted to try not to run away; I agreed because I missed my sister.

          I sat on the garden bench, among people still aloof from them. My parents & other grown-ups were partying in the club house. Younger generation had occupied the garden. It was the same night but now it was filled with light. I was too busy in admiring the decorations that I didn't even notice him coming & sitting beside me.

“Hi!” he said alarming me. “I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you.” He added.

“It’s not you. It’s just me.” I replied philosophically.

“I'm sorry for your loss.” He said in a low voice. I just nodded. There was a silence between us. But it wasn't uncomfortable. We just sat there until I said,

“Would you like to join me for a walk?”

          It had been three months since Di left me. I & Hariaksh lived on the same floor. But I never met him after my sister’s funeral or never did I see him. Perhaps ‘I’ never saw him. In these 3 months I had never talked about Di to anyone. But today I recalled every memory of hers & narrated it to him. It was as if I was re-living those moments. He already knew most of those stories; he had seen us all these years and was a part of many of our mischiefs. By the end, I was laughing for the moments we lived together & cried for I realized this was it. He let me cry. He let me empty my heart. He had stopped me from running. I looked up to him & remembered all the memories with him which I never cared to recall. He was always there for me, right by my side, but I never notice him. I looked up to him & noticed his care-filled eyes for the first time. The same care-filled eyes which saw me when I fell off my bicycle while racing with him; the same care-filled eye which looked at me after he punched the guy who had teased me at school; the same care-filled eyes which consoled me during my sister’s funeral. How did I fail to notice them before?

         Suddenly, I felt guilty for what I did to him a year back. How I had insulted him. How I had walked away.

“Sorry.” I said

“For what?” he asked puzzled.

“For not treating you right.”

He understood what I meant. He just smiled.

“That’s the past! I was such a fool.” He laughed.

“You know before I...” he stopped.

“Don’t hesitate.” I smiled encouragingly.

“Before I came up to you, I told Ruhi Didi that I’m going to confess... You know...”

“I should’ve guessed.” I laughed.

Hesitantly he replied, “After what happened, Ruhi Didi told me to be myself for a little while. I didn’t understand what she meant by it though.”

“Do you still feel the same about me?” I asked him.

“Sorry? I mean... Yes... But you've nothing to worry.”

“I would have to worry if you had given up on me.” I said between my smiles. I got down on my knee, the same way he had gotten down on his knee a year back & said, “I’m a box of beads. Can you be my string & bring out best in me?” He made me stand up & took my hand in his and said,

“Forever.”

            Not all endings are endings; they might be beginnings of new endings.

           From that day onwards I stopped running, stopped feeling sorry for myself & welcomed the new me. Change is Essence of Life; be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become. Embrace the change, it will surely bring out the best in you.

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